Pharmaceutical Pranayama

On May 7, Tom’s body had triple heart valve surgery. It was supposed to be a long operation lasting 4 hours with a 7 day stay in the hospital. What happened was a 34 hours of surgery, 37 hours of intubation and 13 days in the hospital. As someone predicted, there was just too much sunshine in his heart. The doctors couldn’t operate because of excessive blood.

Much much later….. Update

May 23, Day 5 at home: Had a good night finally and slept 6 hours in a row. Incredible.

I am in the stage of Pharmaceutical Pranayama. This is a yogi nightmare.

Struggling isn’t exactly the word. I have practiced everyday, but everything is messed up. My focus is wonky. My heart rate, blood pressure is controlled by pharmaceuticals. “Can’t use your breath at all, yogi boy? Now what are you going to do?”

In the yoga tradition, what is left?

Puja and devotion. That works especially well when the spirit is exhausted and there are no options left. It has been really helpful to have years of the puja habit, because the actions came back naturally. As puja came back, I noticed my mental tone improved. I enjoyed the comfort of sitting with familiar deities.

Tratak - candle gazing was surprisingly still available and especially effective because my visual and meditative focus was wonky. I loved the stillness of the candle, then the flickering of the candle. Center oneself visually and it brings order. Just have to find the doorway back in and then maybe all else will follow. Tratak was a helpful door back into everything else.

Mantraa - decades of mantra works, yet I am embarrassed by the sound after 37 hours of intubation. My voice is different. Resonances are different. They don’t vibrate in the same places, which is strange. Everything inside is changed and different. This inner prana body I thought I knew so well, seems to be missing areas.

Mudra works, only because I have worked it daily for so many years. Mudra will never work unless you dedicate some serious time over a few months at least.

I notice that I need to join left and right sides of the body, as the connection has been broken. Hakini mudra brought integration and relief to the two cerebral hemispheres. Rings and Folds Mudras are working well on all the meridians. It is a way to exercise my body, while my body is limited in movement. Mudra, all by itself, holds the promise of rebuilding the house.

I start investigating how to bring back the energy body that has been torn apart. How do I restore the prana body after damage on annamayakosha and manomayakosha?

Not only is this possible, it is my path right now.

Meditative focus is not working well at all, but I am certain it is just a matter of time.

Procedure: Intuitively, I am drawn to go over the old pathways and connect the dots.

Lets begin: tip of nose. root of nose. between the eyebrows. Humming is weird, off. An earthquake happened in Shiva’s Cave. There is no roof on the right side. Shiva left the cave. Not much pranic structure above the cave. Left and right horns of the hemispheres are off. Of all the places, “Taalu chakra” the soft palate meditation, point has suffered badly. Like the pelvic floor of a mother who has just given birth. But I know I can get it back in a few weeks.

Meditating on the brain stem is not really possible today. Top of the head, not a good situation, it doesn’t seem to exist at all. Belly meditation is necessary but full of nauseating pharmaceuticals..

Meditation on the Heart: Not happening today. The heart sounds completely different. it used to have a heart murmur from birth and was full of distilled sweetness. This heart I now have, I have no choice but to love. Love it fully, for any perceived imperfections or faults. Loving the heart you have, is the only thing to do. Any other course of action is insanity, because this is the way it is. I love my new heart. Sounds weird, but It sure does pump well. I haven’t really had a working heart in years, so it is time to say goodbye to any sentimentality about the way it was. Hooray for the present moment.

I will be in the stage of Pharmaceutical Pranayama for another month.