Rebuilding the prana body

Recap:

I came out of surgery and then more surgery, and multiple hospital and pharmaceutical problems with an amazing new physical heart. It pumps blood really well, almost too well. I am eternally grateful to be alive. Every moment from here, as we go into overtime, is precious.

I came out of the hospital unable to meditate, do breathing or asana practices. For a week, I was in a swirl of pharmaceutical drugs that were at dosage levels that were much too high for my sensitive system.

The recommended dosages that doctors start with, are averages of “normal people,” with American diets, too much extra weight, lots of plaque in their arteries, and people who probably never exercise. For example, a resting pulse rate of 90, is still considered “normal.” My resting pulse has been 55-62, for years.

There is 60 years of research on Amiodarone. Doctors around the world, consider 200mg to be a “low dose.” To my tender, life long yogi body, 200 mg is a severe attack on my mind and body that threaten to blow apart my plaque-less blood vessels. With the heart racing at 80-85 bpm while lying in bed at night, it felt like my head would explode and I might stroke out.

My yogi body, especially a pranayama body, is very efficient in delivering oxygen to the cells. In the multiple research studies, this question of dosing Amiodarone has been around for 60 years! One study found that 100mg was the best long term dosage in England for 60% of the patients prescribed. It has become standard in Europe. There were other studies. At 100 mg, Amiodarone stabilized the heart rhythm with out the drastic side effects, liver toxicity, thyroid problems and more.

I called my nurse practitioner on the case, and said she said I could lower the dose at my next meeting with the doctor… 3 weeks away. I thought I might die.

I had to step in, and take my agency back. I don’t recommend anyone do this. Always do whatever the doctors and nurses say. Don’t follow what I say, or follow whatever your body is telling you. Always trust authority.

I realized this body of mine might not make it 3 weeks. After considerable research, after millions of people had experiences with this particular drug, lowering the dosage turns out to not be a dangerous thing, but could actually be a beneficial thing, because the side effects mostly go away.

I felt like I had only one real choice and go “very-low dose” at 100mg. Low and behold, almost all the horrible side effects went away. My heart continues to stay in perfect rhythm, perfect ECGs, never varying in blood pressure or pulse by more than 10 points, up or down. Kinda miraculous really, and what a new heart needs.

I left the hospital after 13 days, twice as long as expected, and landed in my meditation room, a sanctuary of peaceful and loving vibrations. In previous posts, I mention those stories.

If felt like my pieces of my prana body were missing. All over. My heart is so different now is doesn’t feel like it belongs to “me.” When I would meditate on Shiva’s Cave, the soft palate, and the top of the head, it felt like they were not there anymore. My “prana” head was blown off, perhaps from excessive pressure for way too long.

I realized that my nervous system had undergone tremendous trauma. I could not feel into many parts of the prana body. Over the decades, these meditation fields had become reliable points of stabilization, insight and realization.

I made an assumption that the prana body could be recreated. If the structures existed before, they can exist again. It was all a matter of reconnecting to it.

The image of a 3D printer came to mind.

I began doing a feeble Brahmari pranayama, swirling my attention around and around my skull. Bumble bee humming, even a pathetic one, actually started to change the patterning of sensations. Many times a day, I visualized the 3D printer arm going around and around my skull, recreating the field. It sorta worked a little bit, not much, but a little. It was all I had. So I put my sustained efforts throughout the following days, swirling around my head space, many times a day, directing the life force into hundreds of meditation points.

Many days into this 3D printing exercise…. Shiva’s Cave is now enclosed and has a roof, but it is not exactly the same. All the skull points are slowly getting stimulated and coming back. Who would have ever guessed that it was all a matter of practice?

The heart space still remains very elusive. I focus left. I focus right. I focus up and down and put it all together like just like 6am practice, every morning. Little by little, everyday, I am coming into relationship with this strange new reality living inside my chest. Some patients go into a downward spiral, disturbed that their precious human heart is now made with cow parts. Some patients obsess about how their heart no longer belongs to “them.” “This is not MY heart,” they claim. I say that line of thinking is total bullshit. A person will wind up with a bad results thinking that way. No good will come of it.

Work with the body you have, be grateful and overjoyed to be alive.

When I was waking up in the ICU, I could not speak. But I started “mooing,” a joke for all the nurses. Only Ellen laughed because she knew I was busting balls and having fun now that I am part cow. Under all the anesthesia, looking like I was on death’s doorstep, she knew “I” was still there as I “mooed” away.

My practice this morning was ragged and pathetic, but I persevere. I persevere everyday this way, even though it is thick. When I meditate, It is like I am waste deep in sludge. I know for certain the “Slight Edge” has the power to overcome obstacles like these. Little by little, baby steps, everyday. I have a long way to go, but that doesn’t matter. I am moving in the right direction. I am on the upward trajectory. My voice is coming back, I hope.

How many more weeks do I need before returning to classes?

I may be on Amiodarone for many more weeks. Can I teach breath classes while taking a low dose this drug? The answer remains to be seen. I take the Amiodarone at 9 am; 21 hours later is the 6 am class. The tight control of the drug over my blood pressure and respiration rate is not as extreme as it was 14 days ago.

I want to be a positive contribution to other people’s practice. I don’t want to come back unless my own practice is strong. My voice needs to be strong. The healer needs to be healed. Completely healed is not necessary, but healed enough.

We wil have a meeting on Fri. June 7, 6:30am for anyone who would like to jump on and say “Hi.” I sincerely hope that all the regular breath practitioners can make it. I am hoping that you have discovered new things in your practice and you are full of prana and joy, during this interim while I am checked out. Love to you all!

A 3D printer makes a brain